Not that any of you really care...

I think I finally realized something last night. I was on my way to Easter Vigil and, as I so often do, I was trying to explain myself to myself. For a number of reasons, I started asking myself the question of why I still consider myself a Catholic - not an uncommon issue for my to examine. Usually this issue comes down to fussy points of theology (specifically the fact that I'm about the only person I've ever met who likes the concept of Purgatory - as a process of purgation, not a "place" of condemnation, which it certainly doesn't have to be), or something about the nature of the church as an institution trying to exist outside of time providing it more stability against the zeitgeist or whatever. While these issues are certainly relevant, I realized that it really comes down to something much deeper and much more simple, the nature of the Mass.

I've never really felt any sense of great grace at any sacrament; I don't even know if I believe in transubstantiation, but there's still something about the Eucharist as practiced by that Catholic church, and the Mass which is built around this experience, that is incredibly powerful when I sit back and think about it. Whether or not we're actually consuming the body and blood of Christ, through this shared experience, we, as the body of Christ, are united.

Sure, lots of other Churches practice communion, but it's a different experience. When I'm at mass, I know that I'm having the exact same experience as individuals around the world and all through time. I know that at almost any time of the day, there is communion being share somewhere on the earth and that I could attend a Mass in any language and feel the exact same presence. More than this, I know that in 100 years, if my descendants are still practicing Catholics, they'll be experiencing the same Eucharist, just as those a hundred years ago would have. So it's not just within a specific place of worship, but across and and space that the universal experience of the Mass brings the body of Christ together in spirit.

I probably could have thought of this before, but it hit me yesterday, and it made the Easter Vigil that much more meaningful to me. I still think that the Church is too bogged down in bureaucracy; disagree with the remaining "one true church" doctrines; consider the various bits of theology about Mary to be fairly shady; and feel that the Church as an institution needs to bitch about abortion a bit less and about poverty/social rights a lot more (I think that 90% of the remaining problems in the Western church could be solved through a more active laity), but now I know why these issues haven't done more to pull me away.

Just a side note. I went to a CRC (Christian Reformed Church) church today that people always tell me I should go to when they find out I'm Catholic. Apparently, having communion every week(!), a pastor who wears and Alb, and using a heavily modified version of the Catholic liturgical order is supposed to make it much more like Mass. It was a good service, and I can see why so many people I know like this church, but seriously, it was still absolutely nothing like a Catholic service. The primary focus is still on the lesson and the general atmosphere is just completely different. While I understand why most people enjoy the greater level of focus on the specific community, I've always preferred dialogue within smaller groups to long sermons and overly prepared witness statements. Those things just aren't engaging or even terribly spiritual for me. In any case, if I were an ELCA Lutheran, I may have been converted, but alas for you all, I'm not. Good try, though, Dutchies =P