So, I like to make jokes about how I'm occasionally compelled to do things out of my "Catholic Guilt". Sometimes, this is true, but mostly, for the last several years, it's a lie. Certainly, when I was younger, there were plenty of things that I did out of a sense of guilt or fear of guilt; but these days, I like to think that most of the things I do for people are out of love or the occasional sense of obligation (failing to meet obligation can feel a lot like guilt, but I'd argue that the cause is fundamentally different). Honestly, my "Catholic Guilt" has, over the years, re-expressed itself as something much more positive in my character. What began as a sense of uncleanness whenever I failed to live up to what I felt was expected of me has been replaced by a freeing knowledge of the simple fact that I've already failed more times and in more ways than I can count, and that that doesn't matter so long as I keep on trying to do better.
Those of you who know me know that I'm fond of jokingly saying that I'm a horrible person. However, the simple fact is that, compared to what I could be, it's true. I'm an awful person...and so are you. Since we're all awful people, who gives a damn that we are? The only thing that I have anything to worry about is that I'm constantly striving to be a little bit less awful; that I recognize my failures instead of justifying them; that I come to understand how my failings can be turned to good.
While I don't know any Christians who wouldn't admit that we're all sinners; I honestly can't say I know many who handle this fact with much grace. In their behavior, and their justification of it, too many of the people I've met seem to be thinking that "we're all sinners...except me". They're so worried about committing some "big" sin that they overlook their day-to-day behavior; so worried of falling off the horse that they don't realize that it bucked them off years ago and they've been sitting on their ass without moving down the path ever since. They spend so much time trying to justify their actions and their beliefs, needing to know that their way is, some how, "right", that they forget the big picture: that we live in a fallen world where sometimes it's impossible to do things right; that sometimes we need to settle for doing things best; that, fundamentally, it all comes down to one thing (which is, of course, love).
That's it, I guess. I mean, obviously, there's more when you start thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure that's all I wanted to say. If anybody is curious about where this came from, feel free to ask me individually; it's just not the sort of thing I feel like throwing out there...and the guilt caused by providing a fabricated cause like I was planning to would be unbearable. =P
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I think Catholic "guilt" is an intangible force that results from the community rather than the individual... evident in what others who are Catholics that know you are Catholic might think or say if you do something you shouldn't or don't do something you should.. being a Catholic. Its kind of a lot of peer pressure in a way.
But I agree with your point that it is our individual journey and process that are the worthier parts. Worrying about every fault or shortcoming shouldn't be the focus, but rather the effort to live and act as the best person you can be everyday.
That makes sense. For me, I don't think the community aspect of it was ever terribly huge; but it easily can be. I think that it was really confession and the whole emphasis on "God knows what you did...do you?" that left me in dire fear for my soul as a tyke. =P
Post a Comment