Wow, I am an idiot. I was double checking a couple of due dates on grad school applications that I'd finished recently because I got this strange paranoid feeling about when they were supposed to be in. Turns out I was right and that I'd screwed up the deadlines for applying to the MS and PhD programs. Turns out that, out of my list of 6 schools, I only applied to two of them on time and in time to be considered for funding. Those two schools are CU-Boulder and Brandeis.
Oddly enough, these are kind of the two schools I've been most subconsciously attracted to, even if both of them have things that could keep me from going there as well. Further coincidence is that, ever since I actively decided I didn't have the time to apply at Carnegie Melon, I've been fairly seriously considering taking a year off and doing something like Americorps (something where the pay isn't great, the purpose is important, and the federal loans don't accrue interest). It would be a good way to have some new experiences and figure out how much I really want to do the whole PhD thing without giving myself a good excuse to give up on it -- an excuse like a high paying job.
Now, I have a long tradition of kind of sitting back and letting life take its course and of delaying decisions until time makes a decision for me. I wound up at Calvin in large part because I liked it well enough and didn't feel like filling out applications for the other schools on my list. The whole National Merit thing and needing to accept admission early was a nice excuse, but it didn't really factor at the time. Honestly I've been pretty satisfied with the course my life has taken living this way. Calvin has been great, and even this weird fifth year has ultimately been for the best; but I'm still anxious about this habit and what will happen if I keep on only allowing myself minimal say in my life. I just know that those few times where I have tried to be the active decider haven't turned out too well for me. Usually life kicks my ass a bit and throws me back on the path it had me going down.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Year in Review
Last year was interesting to say the least and difficult to say a little more. I can't really talk a lot about the last 12 months without getting on the pity train, as certain events paint even the happier memories in a dimmer light. As always, I'm fairly content when I remain in the moment, but reflecting on the past and pondering the future both put me in a bit of a down mood these days as I question my decisions and where they are bringing me.
So, instead of actively talking about my life over the last 12 months, I'll look at some of my favorite movies from the time period and reflect on why they've impacted me as they have.
500 Days of Summer:
This may be my favorite movie of the year. I identify with it in a way that I haven't identified with a movie since Little Miss Sunshine. I have a bad habit of expecting too much out of my relationships and of reacting poorly when my expectations turn out to be completely unrealistic. This has been a huge problem for me especially in the last year as I struggle to find proper footing to maintain relationships that life has determined must change. Tom's flight from the rooftop party in particular will be a powerful cathartic experience for awhile to come.
Up:
Pixar comes through again with what I'm willing to call my third favorite movie in their oeuvre (after Wall-E and The Incredibles). If nothing else, the first ~15 minutes are the best film making of the year. I don't know if the beautiful depiction of Carl and Ellie's life together will ever not make me tear up, and the way Carl places his hand on Ellie's hand print when he's checking the mail is the most subtly profound image in a movie this year. Again, this movie deals with accepting that life is never what we want it to be. It reminds us that we need to make our own adventures where we are instead of dwelling on those we wish we could be having.
Moon:
Moon ranks in as my favorite sci-fi movie in a year packed with great entries in the genre. It didn't impact me as personally as the previous two movies, but it does show a gradual shift my tastes have been taking. I still enjoy adventure and high action, but more and more I find myself inclined towards slower, more thoughtful narratives. Under its skin, Moon asks some interesting questions about how much our personal growth is influenced by our environment.
Coraline:
I'll admit, I'm a Neil Gaiman fanboy; but this wouldn't have come about if his work didn't tend to be of such exemplary quality. The most interesting feature of Coraline is one that it shares with Gaiman's (deservedly) much lauded Graveyard Book: the level of respect it shows for its young audience. Coraline refuses to give everything away. It lets you put together the pieces for yourself and offers a few genuinely frightening moments for viewers of all ages.
Julie and Julia:
As much as the fanfare around the release of Julie Powell's latest book, Cleaving, disappointed me, I don't think it can do much to dilute the pure enjoyability that Julie and Julia offered. Many people were primarily taken with the Julia Child aspect of the story, and Meryl Streep's performance in the role was exceptional, but Amy Adam's performance as Julie Powell was equally potent if you can identify with her position. The NPR pop culture blog Monkey See, which is spectacular, has a great write-up on the importance of the two stories here.
That's it for now. There were plenty of other good movies this year (Zombie Land, A Serious Man, District 9, The Hurt Locker, and Avatar among others), and a couple I still want to see (chiefly, Up in the Air and The Princess and the Frog), but these are the ones I had the most to say about. Hope all of you are in a good place as this new year kicks off and blessings to all of you.
So, instead of actively talking about my life over the last 12 months, I'll look at some of my favorite movies from the time period and reflect on why they've impacted me as they have.
500 Days of Summer:
This may be my favorite movie of the year. I identify with it in a way that I haven't identified with a movie since Little Miss Sunshine. I have a bad habit of expecting too much out of my relationships and of reacting poorly when my expectations turn out to be completely unrealistic. This has been a huge problem for me especially in the last year as I struggle to find proper footing to maintain relationships that life has determined must change. Tom's flight from the rooftop party in particular will be a powerful cathartic experience for awhile to come.
Up:
Pixar comes through again with what I'm willing to call my third favorite movie in their oeuvre (after Wall-E and The Incredibles). If nothing else, the first ~15 minutes are the best film making of the year. I don't know if the beautiful depiction of Carl and Ellie's life together will ever not make me tear up, and the way Carl places his hand on Ellie's hand print when he's checking the mail is the most subtly profound image in a movie this year. Again, this movie deals with accepting that life is never what we want it to be. It reminds us that we need to make our own adventures where we are instead of dwelling on those we wish we could be having.
Moon:
Moon ranks in as my favorite sci-fi movie in a year packed with great entries in the genre. It didn't impact me as personally as the previous two movies, but it does show a gradual shift my tastes have been taking. I still enjoy adventure and high action, but more and more I find myself inclined towards slower, more thoughtful narratives. Under its skin, Moon asks some interesting questions about how much our personal growth is influenced by our environment.
Coraline:
I'll admit, I'm a Neil Gaiman fanboy; but this wouldn't have come about if his work didn't tend to be of such exemplary quality. The most interesting feature of Coraline is one that it shares with Gaiman's (deservedly) much lauded Graveyard Book: the level of respect it shows for its young audience. Coraline refuses to give everything away. It lets you put together the pieces for yourself and offers a few genuinely frightening moments for viewers of all ages.
Julie and Julia:
As much as the fanfare around the release of Julie Powell's latest book, Cleaving, disappointed me, I don't think it can do much to dilute the pure enjoyability that Julie and Julia offered. Many people were primarily taken with the Julia Child aspect of the story, and Meryl Streep's performance in the role was exceptional, but Amy Adam's performance as Julie Powell was equally potent if you can identify with her position. The NPR pop culture blog Monkey See, which is spectacular, has a great write-up on the importance of the two stories here.
That's it for now. There were plenty of other good movies this year (Zombie Land, A Serious Man, District 9, The Hurt Locker, and Avatar among others), and a couple I still want to see (chiefly, Up in the Air and The Princess and the Frog), but these are the ones I had the most to say about. Hope all of you are in a good place as this new year kicks off and blessings to all of you.
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