**** you, Bill Keane

Most of you are familiar with the depth of my hatred for the daily syndicated comic strip Family Circus. I find it trite, humorless, and on occasion offensive. I have no clue how this trash has lasted as long as it has, and I vomit in my mouth every now and then when I hear people refer to it as legitimate Americana. I've recently rediscovered the blog "Marmaduke Explained", whose author may very well hate Marmaduke and its senile author even more than I hate Bill Keane's worthless career...I think those of you who followed that link see where this is going.

Every now and then, starting today, I'm going to dig through the garbage heap that is Family Circus and explain to you all in blunt terms what is really going on. Lets get started, shall we?




Jeffy is a spoiled materialistic brat who wants to drive his parents (already suffering under the strain of their father's misogynistic need for his wife to not enter the work place) into bankruptcy.




Dolly and Billy insist on pretending that they still perceive time as children so as to avoid the indescribable pain of confronting the truth that they haven't matured or learned a damn thing in their 50 some years of "life".




Jeffy killed another hobo. He's also a compulsive liar.




Much like his siblings, Billy is a consumer whore.

OR

Billy, knowing that God and the laws of time care nothing for him, has little desire to better himself and instead devotes himself to the television in an empty effort to dull the pain.




Bill Keane powers his entire empire on the tears of children.