Fickleness and Fidelity

I used a car ride home the last couple of days as an excuse to read Pride and Prejudice. For years, I've been meaning to read this classic novel, and I'll admit that my curiosity has only been piqued by the abundance of women I know who have declared their undying love for Mr. Darcy. There's little I can say that hasn't been said about the book itself. Austen is rightly celebrated for her dialog, as it brings her characters, particularly the supporting cast, to life brilliantly. Indeed, without it, the novel would mostly be flat. But it is there, so all is splendid. Tangentially, I could complain about particulars of Regency Era grammar: The awkward, unrestrained use of commas; an abuse of semicolons that puts my own to shame; and the freedom with which pronouns are used without any attempt to establish a clear antecedent...but I imagine that these aren't issues particular to Austen, and the joys far outshine the frustrations.

Since I can't really say anything that hasn't been said already about the novel as a whole, I want to focus on one tangential aspect which I already mentioned: Mr. Darcy and his seemingly universal adoration. Now, I know that I'll draw a lot of flack for this from any lady readers I may have, but I just want to say this:

Dear Darcy Devotees,

shame on you

I say this because, in many respects, there is little remarkable in Darcy. Certainly, he is generous and intelligent and believably flawed, and he goes to great lengths to provide for Lizzy's happiness; but the same can be said of any number of well written romantic leads.

If you are interested in the particulars of his character at the end of the novel, then he is simply what I would call an extended introvert. That is to say, an introvert who has realized the importance of putting on an approachable air, of reaching out to others instead of expecting them to tolerate you in the expectation that you are ultimately worth getting to know. This is a fine sort of person in my mind, but people in general still don't take too kindly to introverts. Even those who have learned to deal perfectly well with polite company and new relations rarely radiate any sort of approachability, and just as infrequently are they any good at doing the approaching. This just weirds most people out, including plenty women I know who still claim to adore Darcy.

So, it clearly isn't Darcy himself that is so much more widely loved than any other male romantic lead in literary history. This leaves us with just a handful of means of explaining the ardor so many claim to hold for him, and none of them are particularly flattering. The first two reasons are Darcy's wealth and appearance. Neither of these seem particularly likely, though. We are reminded regularly of both, but neither is an essential part of his character or a particular reason for Lizzy's love for him (even if both are contributing factors). Since it is obvious why loving Darcy for either of these reasons would be disagreeable, and since it is also a highly unlikely case that it is so, we will abandon the entire possibility.

What's left, then, is to love Darcy for his (apparent) changeability. I say this because it is Elizabeth's rebuke that leads him to see the limitations of his ways and to begin to work on his seemingly haughty tendencies. It is the way he changes as a response to his unrequited love that causes Elizabeth to eventually change her opinion of him. It could seem, therefore, that Darcy is changing for Elizabeth. I ought not need to explain how this ties in with popular cliches (the tamable bad boy) or why it's a terrible reason for being into a guy (thousands of bad, even abusive, relationships). The big problem, however, is that it's clearly a misreading.

From everything we are told from the start by those close to him, Darcy has always, at heart, been a warm and generous man. It is just that his warmth and generosity are, at first, only shared with those in whose company he is comfortable. His apparent haughtiness is, likely as not, a byproduct of a combination of natural shyness and introversion (much like his sister's) and a firm understanding of his breeding and capacities. Darcy has seemingly been told from birth that, while anybody is worthy of his charity, only certain people are worthy of his knowing -- and most of these people will want to know him well enough that they will tolerate his aloofness and mild snobbery. He sees no cause to think otherwise until he meets Elizabeth. It is important to note that he does not change for her, as suggested above. It is not a desire merely to please Elizabeth that causes him to warm to those he may have previously thought beneath his station. No, Darcy opens up because of Elizabeth. She incites in him an awareness of the value of all people, an understanding that being a gentleman does not simply mean extending basic courtesies, but extending oneself to all.

So, it really makes very little sense for you to be in love with Darcy. Darcy will not change to be what you want him to be. He will become the man he was always meant to be; and that is a man you might admire, but probably wouldn't be terribly comfortable with. It makes perfect sense to rejoice in Darcy and Elizabeth's happiness and in the unexpected felicity they find. It makes perfect sense to celebrate Darcy's goodness and generosity in acknowledging his mistakes and working to amend for them for the sake of Elizabeth's happiness. However, what makes no sense is to be in love with Darcy. Those qualities which have been mentioned as universally laudable are hardly unique to him. Personal experience tells me that precious few of you are willing to tolerate introversion and apparent pride to the degree Darcy shows it long enough to gain the intimacy to see beyond it. And if your chief desire is to love a man who loves you as totally as Darcy does Elizabeth, well, you're barking up the wrong tree for an abundance of obvious reasons.

As for those of you who haven't read Pride and Prejudice: do. It's good for you.