Angst Mash-Up

There is a pain
deep in my heart
that can be known by no-one
except me.
It cries out, demanding
my attention
and my affection.

This affliction rends
my very soul.
I cannot share it,
but nor would I want to.
Because then, knowing
that my pain was seeing other people,
jealousy would consume me,
leaving me even more alone.
With myself.
And my pain.

And then,
my beloved pain,
we would sit
in awkward silence.
I would long to forgive,
to embrace you once again,
to find my identity in you.
But you, unwilling
to apologize, always
making excuses --
the way you once
helped me to --
would keep us apart,
just as you once kept
me apart from
the world.

Wait!
I am still apart
from the world.
I am still making
excuses.
You, my lovely,
unknowable pain,
are still keeping
me isolated.
And safe.
You have not cheated.
Yet.

I sit, in the rain
and gloom of my heart
and I weep.
In joy.
And in pain.