Everyone's a Little Bit Horny (Sometimes)

Most of the people who read this should recognize that title as an obvious rip-off from Avenue Q's "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist". The reason I love that song isn't because it's especially funny, but because it's entirely true. We all do make judgments and decisions based on things, like race, that we don't want to admit factor into our decision making process. The problem with this is that, when we don't acknowledge all of the aspects of our reasoning, we become blind to our own biases and incapable of accurately assessing our choices. Our sexuality (by which I mean our nature as physical, sexual beings, not sexual orientation) is something that has an incredibly impact on the decisions we make, but we tend to do a pretty terrible job of being healthy about it.

I'm going to go off on a tangent for a moment, but It will relate.

We're a society obsessed with self-stimulation, and this exhibits itself in a large part of the population through masturbation. Moreover, pornography is everywhere in our society; and virtually every adult male alive has intentionally sampled pornography at least once. I obviously don't discount myself from this group. I'm not trying to defend pornography. In fact, I'm doing just the opposite. Pornography distorts the intended nature of sex, ignoring the importance of intimacy and instead focusing on individual pleasure and achievement, frequently at the expense of the other member in some way. But that doesn't change the universality of the experience of pornography, and the fact that it isn't something we address openly and bluntly only gives it more power over our development.

The way we talk about pornography in different microcosms of society is a really good indicator of how we let our sexuality interact with our decision making process. In groups where pornography and/or masturbation habits are openly discussed without shame, most of the people I know are also more willing to admit to the impacts of sexual desire on their decision making...but the sexual desires are also generally greeted too enthusiastically, and sex is pursued as something good simply for the pleasure it brings. Instead of a focus on sexual health, there's a focus on "safety" in the active pursuit of sex.

On the other hand, you have groups where pornography is still taboo. They recognize the flaws with pornography, but because they are secretly aware of the universal nature of the pornographic experience, in an effort to dissuade it, they've become puritanical and any talk of sexual urges is associated with the pornographic rather than the expression of natural, healthy desires; so it is shunned and unhealthy attitudes towards sex fester. Here, instead of trying to develop a healthy understanding of sex, the focus is one of abstinence from this unseemly act.

Obviously, the unnatural nature in which sex is represented in pornography is the uniting factor in what's wrong with both of these approaches...but somewhere along the line, our entire understanding of sex, on both sides of the aisle, began to conform with the reality postured by pornography and not the nature of sex as created. As such, its becoming increasingly difficult to talk about sex in an open and constructive manner that actually relates to what sex is meant to be.

I wish I had something useful or new to say about where to go from here. I see no virtue in puritanism. As I inferred earlier, I see this as being largely responsible for losing sight of the one thing of value that those who rejected pornography had - an understanding of the real value of sex. I think that we need to work to rediscover this as a society, which will involve addressing the failings of pornography in a non-condescending fashion. From there, I think we need to be comfortable talking about and recognizing our urges as not unhealthy, but not to be dwelt on.

...there's a lot more I wish I could express, but I don't have the words right now. Maybe its better this way. If I want this to be a dialogue, then I can't have all of the answers up-front. Hopefully this is enough to get some sort of response from those of you who read it, and we can figure out what needs to be done together and start trying to reform where we can...It's a tricky issue, but an important one, especially when it comes to mending the secular-religious rift (I'm not certain, but I bet I could blame the attitudes of condemnation towards sex for most of my friends leaving the Church)...

thanks for your time, and hopefully this made sense

Senior Project Dev. Diary

So, in order to not bombard you with crap about my senior research project, I've decided to start a pseudo development diary. It can be found here.

I need to write something

School has started back up, and I'm hard at work trying to draft up a proposal for my senior research project. I mentioned this several months back, and while I've finally come up with a clear way of stating the project (abstracting the behavior of shared memory concurrency into message passing concurrency semantics in order to provide easy to use, memory safe mechanisms for concurrent execution on multi-core systems), writing the proposal is a real bitch. Sure, this is because I'm largely talking out of my ass at this point, but seriously, it's an exploratory project. Anyway, I'm thinking that if I write something here, it will get my fingers and my brain working well enough for me to get something coherent out of this tomorrow. Don't worry, I won't mention concurrency again.

There are a lot of topics I can think of to write about. I touched on it in the Dr. Horrible post, but I could discuss the destructive nature of piracy (which I'm increasingly rejecting these days). I could talk about how I'm working to resolve my conflicting tendencies towards Platonism and Post Modernism. I could talk about how damn sick I am of politics and how, no matter how excited I was about Obama 6 months ago, I'm almost ready to not vote. I could even try to collect my thoughts about how poorly we address sexuality as a society (and how pornography fits into this failure as a practically universally accepted "taboo"). None of these posts would make sense, and I wouldn't realize it until I randomly choose to reread one 6 months later because I don't get much genuine feedback on anything I write.

I could bitch about how busy I am, or about how weird it is knowing that I have at least 3 friends (likely 4) who seem poised to propose to their significant others in the next 9 months...but, oh, hey, I just did. No need to be whinier than that. I complain enough in person. So, instead I guess I'll just complain about how I don't have anything to write about.

It's late, and I should probably go to sleep...so I guess this is just another call to action. Let me know what I can write about that will garner some sort of reaction. Please?

Too Many Movies...

Alright, so the only summer movies I've commented on so far are Iron Man (awesome), Indy IV (meh), and Wall-E (wonderful). I've seen way more movies than that in the last 3 months, so let's get caught up, shall we?


Speed Racer:
Surprisingly, lots of fun. I think that the weird shiny filter was over-applied towards the beginning of the movie, but they got the over-the-top nature down well ("it's a shame what passes for a ninja these days"), and the car-fu worked remarkably well. I feel like the tone was a bit uneven, but all in all it was loud, flashy, and kinetic enough to do the job it set out for. This is a movie I would have liked to have seen a second time to get a better feel for it after knowing what to expect - literally everybody I know who was on the fence after one viewing liked it a lot more after a second. It's really a shame that it bombed so hard. It probably walks away in the number five slot for movies this summer.

Prince Caspian:
This one is a bit weird. It's kind of like Final Fantasy X-2 in that, without the pedigree, it probably wouldn't be able to get anywhere, but I think it would be more successful if it didn't have to live up to the book franchise. It works as a better than normal fantasy adventure flick, but it steps too far from the book in too many places to be a good adaptation. That what is probably the best sequence in the film is entirely non-canonical is the most solid proof I can back this statement up with. I really don't know what else to say. Try to pretend you have no familiarity with the names and you'll probably like this more.

Don't Mess With the Zohan:
Shut up, I went to see this with a friend. Like most Adam Sandler movies, it's a million times better if you're willing to drop your pretensions and just be amused. There are dead spots aplenty, but I've seen far, far worse. Rent it if you can get the right audience together and feel like reliving junior high...though Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison are probably both better picks for that.

The Incredible Hulk:
Good enough. I've never actually seen all of Ang Lee's Hulk pic, so I'm not going to try and declare which one is better. The whole movie felt a bit rushed, like they didn't want to waste too much time between action scenes, and I think the film suffers a bit for it. We really have no clue what drives Bruce Banner at all, other than his desire to not have this thing inside him anymore. Considering that, in the last 18 months, Marvel has had Planet Hulk and World War Hulk, I would have expected more (by the way, was World War Hulk any good? I only read the first couple of comics that were related. I liked Planet Hulk quite a bit. Seeing a scenario in which Hulk needed to keep Banner in check was an interesting spin).

Get Smart:
Don't go in expecting the amazing old TV show and you should be alright. It's a fun action comedy in its own right. Some good physical comedy and sight gags, and a few decent enough explosions. Worth a rental or a viewing in the cheap theaters if you're looking to keep busy.

Kung-Fu Panda:
I was very pleasantly surprised by this film. Within the first 2 minutes I remembered why I love Jack Black despite myself, and continued to be amused throughout. The fights were well choreographed without giving away entirely the fact that we were watching CG animation, and the moral was a healthy one. I'd put this at number 4 for the summer so far.

The Dark Knight:
People probably expected a big write up on this one. Sorry, not enough to talk about with this movie specifically. It was, for all intents and purposes, perfect. Heath Ledger played the best Joker I could have ever thought possible. Christian Bale still does an excellent Bruce Wayne - we could have actually used more of these moments just to remind us of this fact - and Two-Face was handled about as appropriately as I can think possible. I'm terribly excited to see where Nolan and Bale bring us with the next one - so long as it doesn't involve Angelina Jolie as Cat Woman. I'm finishing up Kingdom Come right now, and I'll probably have a long post on Batman in general before the month is out.


Now for some older films I've finally gotten around to seeing courtesy of my dad's Netflix account:

The Darjeeling Limited:
I like Wes Anderson...but The Darjeeling Limited didn't resonate as well with me as I'd hoped it would. Everything about the movie from the music to the visuals to the delivery screams Wes Anderson, and maybe that's why it doesn't work as well. This director that we once thought was so innovative and new is sticking too closely to a formula instead of doing something new. Maybe he was scared by the poorer performance of The Life Aquatic - which I'm fairly certain I enjoyed more than this, I need to see it again - but I'd like to see him try and tell a new story in a new way. I will forever love Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, but this just can't fly much longer.

In the Name of the Father:
Striking, but not as powerful as it would have you believe. In its time, or really any time before the Bush Administration and the Patriot Act, it probably would have had more pull, but the story of a young Belfast native wrongfully accused of and imprisoned for involvement in IRA bombings in London just doesn't shock the way it probably once did.

My Left Foot:
Another movie based on a true story staring Daniel Day Lewis in an Oscar nominated (and this time winning) role! How Lucky! My Left Foot holds up a bit better, just because the issues of crippledness and the way we treat those who aren't immediately apparent as our equals will never be comfortable. It's predictably inspirational without shying away from unhappy truths of existence. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Unforgiven:
Excellent. It's like A History of Violence with Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman as aging western gunman instead of Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello having incredibly awkward sex. Once I understood that Eastwood was trying to convince himself and not those around him that he wasn't a killer anymore, the whole thing fell well into place for me. It deserves its accolades.

Punch Drunk Love:
...It's a P.T. Anderson film. I had a look of puzzlement and wonder on my face throughout nearly the entire thing. I don't think that the notion of "taking an Adam Sandler character and making him believable" is quite accurate. Believable within the absurd world of the film, certainly, but that's nothing new, and he's still not believable in general. That said, the entire proceeding of the film just needs to be seen to be appreciated, and Anderson's visual sense in impeccable. It's a sweet tale of love blooming between two incredibly broken people for whom trying to fix their problems just isn't worth it anymore.

Millenium Actress:
Satoshi Kon has a wonderful way of keeping you from knowing what's "real" and what's "fantasy" in his movies and not really caring, and I'm starting to love him for it. Millenium Actress is a beautiful film about an aging star actress reliving her life through the image of her career and the parallels between her own life and those of her characters. It captures something vibrant about a life lived in pursuit of something always just out of reach in a wonderful way. I think that I'll need to try and grab this whenever I get around to picking up Paprika, as I think that each will just enhance my appreciation of the other.

Annie Hall:
I've said many times recently that I enjoy movies that make me smirk while leaving me a bit depressed. Annie Hall does that perfectly. It's nearly 30 years old, but the things it still has a lot of valid things to say about what we expect out of relationships and why they fail. I imagine that most of you who would like it have already seen it, though.


So, lots of movies. I'll just say a couple quick things and then I'll be done again.

Summer 2008 movie quality run-down so far:
1/2. The Dark Knight
1/2. Wall-E
3. Iron Man
4. Kung-Fu Panda
5/6 Speed Racer
5/6 Get Smart
7. The Incredible Hulk
8. Prince Caspian
9. Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
10. Don't Mess with the Zohan

That's all there is, there isn't anymore.

Dissecting Dr. Horrible

As of right now, you have just under 24 hours to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog for free at www.drhorrible.com. If you missed it, fret not, it should be available on DVD soon (we'll know how soon within a week, I'm sure). I, for one, will be picking up a copy as soon as humanly possible.

What I am going to talk about are certain elements of the characters that I found interesting and their relevance to the nature of the project as a whole.

Here's the proposition I'm going to make:
Dr. Horrible is the emerging culture of the internet (and online broadcasting). Captain Hammer is the traditional media. Penny is the consumer, being asked to choose between the two. The analogy is far from perfect, but here's my explanation.

Dr. Horrible has two distinct faces. There's, well, Dr. Horrible, who is trying to disrupt the status quo, rule the world, and enter the Evil League of Evil. And there's Billy, the quiet, lonely guy just looking for somebody willing to take the time to know him; but too shy to take the first step. At the end, we see that Dr. Horrible is mostly Billy. He's not misunderstood - he honestly does want to upset the status quo, simply because it's broken. Instead, he's misguided; turning towards the problem outside himself - the one he can "fix" in any number of ways - instead of the one inside - the one he needs to find a solution for. This leads him into emptiness and despair.

Captain Hammer is the definition of superficial. Beyond this, his only goal is his own glorification. He does what is "good" and says what people want to hear (even if sometimes poorly) because he knows that these are the things that will earn him the most praise. The response of the masses to his action is one that says the ends justify not only the means, but also the intent. He picks on Dr. Horrible because he upsets the status quo that honors him, and because most people are comfortable with the status quo and will perceive its defense as right.

Penny is superficially attracted to Captain Hammer because of his ability to do and say what she wants. She's utterly unaware that his entire motivation is his own gain. At the same time, while somewhat wary of Dr. Horrible - even without knowing him as such - she sees the value in him and connects with him on a more human level...she's just not willing to pursue a relationship - something she does with Captain Hammer because, on the surface, he is immediately able to meet her up front needs.

The internet has two faces. There's the internet: home of obsessed with piracy, who sit and work to disrupt the status quo because it doesn't agree with what they feel the world should be (free). And then there's the internet: medium for mass communication and shared expression that, despite its technological nature, is human and connecting. This medium allows artists the ability to genuinely be themselves and connect with fans at a strong, personal level and to derive support from the dedication this relationship instills. This is contrary to the traditional model of being as generally "acceptable" as possible so as to gain a larger, less attached fan base, whom you reach, for a price, through the media at large. As people better understand the way the internet works, this second face becomes more obviously the true one, but that first face still lurks, patently visible to anybody, its motivations threatening to ruin the more personal nature of the internet for everybody.

Big Media exists chiefly to promote its own existence and create profits for those whom are a apart of it. The programming it provides is intended to distract us - be it through despair or amusement - from our other options so that the money keeps rolling in. is constantly trying to manipulate the general public into seeing that first face of the internet as its true identity, make people understand it as an aberration that seeks to destroy this construct with which they are so comfortable, which brings them so much joy. They do this because the internet, by allowing people to form stronger bonds with those from whom they consume, threatens to damage the way they do business if it is used as anything other than a new means of the distribution of their traditional message and programming.

Consumers still love the traditional, Big Media, because it meets their needs at the most basic level. They are beginning to be attracted to the personal level at which internet based content providers can meet their needs, but, by and large, they aren't willing to fully invest themselves in the endeavor because things aren't as reliable, or as cut and dry.

Just as Captain Hammer's continued advances on Penny drive Dr. Horrible towards plots of increased violence against him, the Big Media's ever stronger advances towards the hearts and attention of the typical consumer - and their vilification of the (non-corporate) internet, drives the acts of piracy to greater desperation. And yet, if this piracy succeeds entirely - resulting in the fall of Big Media, it is at the expense of everybody. Without Big Media around, there's nothing new for the pirates to "liberate" except for the independent content creators, whom the pirates will then attack, preventing them from creating anything new; this kills the creative spirit of the internet, leaving it entirely devoid of its second, more powerful character; consumers are left with nobody to consume from; and the pirates, having completed their task, are left with nothing new to do beyond reinventing what they've already done. It's a dire situation for creators and consumers alike, one which leads to the fall of culture.

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is, as much as anything else, a warning of what happens if we, the internet culture, allow our love of piracy and "freedom" overcome our desire for stronger, human connections and bold, new, exploits of creative energy. Doing so will certainly hurt Big Media, but at the expense of what truly makes the internet what it is. Joss Whedon and friends are helping to pioneer new ground in the use of the internet AS the internet - not merely a new means of distribution - in a new way of making a profit for creative effort. Please, support Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog; not only because everybody involved deserves to earn something, but because the internet is becoming more than we've let it be in the past, and we need to nurture that.

WTF, Nintendo

Last year, I wrote at mild length why I was really excited about the work Nintendo was doing with the DS and the Wii. After this year's E3, though, I'm more than a bit frustrated. The chief instigator is this year's "big" title: Wii Music.

Now, I'm all for casual games or "non-games" when they're done well (the new Animal Crossing game has me starting a new file in Wild World). I think that Wii Fit is a great idea and the Wii Balance Board has some remarkable potential applications. Wii Sports remains fun and the potential for increased movement correspondence with the MotionPlus add-on for the WiiMote has potential (too bad the only title demonstrating it is another Wii Sports game...). The issue is that Wii Music, quite simply, misses the point of music games entirely.

For one thing as a saxophonist, I'm legitimately insulted that they're trying to include wind instruments in this thing. There is no way that they can recreate the motion of playing a keyed or valved instrument with the Wiimote. With things like the drums or even string instruments (bowed or strummed), you can at least recreate the rudimentary physical motions. This isn't enough, though. There's a tactile sensation to playing these instruments that games like Rock Band at least make an effort to simulate.

In a nutshell, WiiMusic is asking you to pay money for a game that only lets you look like an asshole while you play in an airband (even worse, an airband where your hands need to be within a set distance of one another), mostly to music that nobody wants to form an airband to play. It's targeted at people who don't actually understand or care about performing music...and it's going to sell like wildfire.

The other thing that disappoints me about Nintendo lately is the simple fact that they're not talking about the DS (the best selling game system of all time) at all. Where in the hell is our new Metroid DS game (classic style)? Like the DS Castlevania games, this is one of those series were just making a solid game and using the top screen for a map would be more than enough. No dramatic touch support needed. What about Smash Bros DS? Keep the stage effects simple (and preferably fewer hazards) down and you could probably have a less laggy online play than Brawl. Hell, if you learned your lessons from Brawl, this could probably become the premier smash game. Pikmin DS? The success of strategy games on the DS proves that this is just begging to be made.

The Wii has asserted its dominance, you don't need to focus entirely on it. Sony is really promoting PS3-PSP connectivity. With the release of the PSP slim, it's gaining in market share on you...why in the hell aren't you doing anything to remind people why the DS is worthwhile? Right now, the only company doing much for you is Square Enix (I'll probably wind up grabbing The World Ends with You, the FFIV and DQIV remakes, and the Chrono Trigger rerelease, and I'm still eagerly anticipating DQIX). I suppose if you're going to let a console rest on the livelihood of one developer, this is a good one to have in charge, but you need to pick the ball back up and give us something good.

Anyway, I just thought I'd throw that out there. Microsoft and Sony didn't show much of worth (at least that we hadn't already seen) either. Not owning any of the consoles, I'll admit that I was the most impressed by Sony's show...but I'll also admit that I'm still a complete sucker for all of Sony's 2nd Party development teams. As much love as I have for Square's and Enix's SNES and PSOne era games, the announcement about FFXIII being cross platform did nothing to me. I was turned off to FFXIII from the very first video. Without Hironobu Sakaguchi or Hiroshi Minagawa (who gained my trust with Tactics and Vagrant Story) invovlved, there's very little keeping me attached to the series.

WALL*E is too good for words

Ummm...yeah. WALL*E met all of my expectations of quality without being quite what I expected in terms of a movie. All I can say is that any review taglines you've seen for this movie are going to be misleading; but it is absolutely wonderful and more than worth your time and money. I'd be happy to see this movie at least once more in the theaters.

I do want to touch on one thing. A lot of people seem to think that the movie had an environmentalist agenda. Those people are full of shit. There's certainly an anti-consumerist agenda, but it's generally hopeful and shows immense trust in the basic instincts of humanity once we push through our sensory overload.

In any case, I think I have a new favorite Pixar movie. I honestly think that WALL*E is worthy of an Oscar nomination for Best Picture. I don't know if it could win the award (I don't even really know what's down the pipe yet this fall), but it does so much with so much love that I wouldn't be surprised.